A guide purely based on my experience with my neighbours in the plot.
What you will need:
- A sufuria that cooked ugali last night
- Remember that you made ugali last night and you forgot to soak the sufuria in water.
- Because you are a monster, choose 10:30PM as the best, most suitable time to wash that sufuria so that you can cook ugali again. The time when peace and quiet has befallen the plot, and all the children and some adults have slept, and the volumes of the televisions have been turned down, and everyone who is up is appreciating the beauty of silence.
- Go to the kitchen and take your sufuria, and noisily run some water into it so that the crust can soften.
- Grab a spoon.
- Using the Lord as your strength, start scraping the crust off the sufuria with the spoon.
- Be as loud as you possibly can, you atrocious, spawnling of Satan. Inconvenience everyone within a 10km radius with the sounds of a spoon grazing the base of a sufuria. Make the sounds so loud and bad, that everyone starts feeling things in their teeth.
- Pause to run water into the sufuria again, and use that opportunity to catch your breath, you loathsome animal.
- Start scrapping again and continue making everyone’s life miserable. The crust is stubborn, so be more vigorous, louder, worse. Scratch and grate until the irritating squeaking sounds awaken the children and the ancestral spirits. Your aim is to make everyone despise you to no end, and to consider beheading you ISIS-style.
- Start singing, “…na siwezi jizuiaaaa…”
- Pause again to noisily run some water in the sufuria, and catch your breath, you hideous beast.
After you are done destroying lives, breaking marriages, traumatising children and sowing seeds of discord and hate in plot members’ hearts, cook your ugali and forget to soak the sufuria in water again.