Large behinds used to depict Luo ladies

Kisumu women have set the bar so high.

With regards to what a Luo girl can carry below her spine and above her thighs. It’s preposterous and I dare say unfair. This is not a defensive rant it’s an actual response to what happened to me a few days ago. So maybe not just the  but when it happened all those other times, I was not hungry and grumpy and agitated. Besides,engaging stupid in this day and age is just demeaning if not stupefying all together.

A lady walks in to our office and I am busy attending to her. During the course of our discussion, much of which I dominated, she acknowledges that I speak very well.

Teresa you speak so well. Where do you come from?

Home. And thank you.

You are funny. I mean where you come from as in home.

What did I just say?

Ha ha ha, Ok where is your rural home?

Ooh yes. I’m from Luo Nyanza. A small village called Ligega in Ugenya, Siaya county. Do not attempt to say the names, that’s okay. She was a white Kenyan, the potential for Ugenya becoming a-gi-nia was staring me in the face.I wasn’t taking that chance.

“I thought so.”

The conversation paused there as I got up to go print out her booking slip. I came back and the lady I thought so sweet and affable suddenly looked like a tri-horned, stereotypical airhead.

“But where is the lakeside behind? Kisumu ladies are known for their rounded bottoms. And you are so short and cute.”

I stood there contemplating what reaction to engage. I settled for sass.

First of all I’m from Ugenya, Ndhoya ,which you would call Nzoia is what we take pride in. Technically speaking, if we have to involve water bodies, I’m from the riverbanks. Second of all, the rest of my behind was rented out, a friend needed it for a socialites auditions. Should be back in about two to three years. As for the height, I’m not short. I am a brief person. Which translates to assertive, concise, forthright and unapologetically so.

She looked at me and hoped she never asked. She didn’t say it, her face and body language did. She sat there looking at me clueless and wished I was done with her booking already. Suddenly I was in no hurry to finish and a burning urge to school this oblivious girl who thinks that Namibia is a predominantly meteorological country for naming their country a weather instrument. Because Windhoek and windsock have no difference. Jesus take the wheel.

“And finally, (I wasn’t done,) you think Jesus took a weekend sabbatical (I’ve always thought I was created on a Saturday) and turned down a bash at Zaccheus’ digs, (because he was team turn up like that) to create something or someone He could have copy pasted? Come on now.I am my kind of a Luo lady. My height is fine as is my petite tiny self. Also, I don’t laugh gently like Lupita my laugh is riotous, thunderous and unsettling. And Kisumu is just but a portion of my people. Luo is not synonymous with Kisumu”

She stared blankly at me and giggled and said “now I just want to hear you laugh, are you ticklish?”  She needed help which I gladly recommended a shrink for and we are since good friends. Sometimes good things happen to “bad” people.

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