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Why do we stay


It’s an interesting time to be a young adult.

First there is the rampant identity crisis. A losing battle we keep entertaining while pretending to discover ourselves. There is the misplaced urge to fit in. To be like somebody else. To follow in the steps of people we deem to live perfect lives. Then there is the monster of being single and in abusive relationships. Have you been single lately? Have you shared with some of your friends ladies? Did you capture some of their facial reactions? I have. And the bewilderment at the fact that anybody can be single and content is just amazing.

Girls do not believe in being single anymore.

It’s almost taboo if you have been for a while. Since when did we become dependent on men? So much that we refuse to move away from toxic abusive relationships? A lot of women, some of who I have as friends, are stuck in slavery in the name of being in a relationship. This is heart-breaking at best and self-imposed slavery at worst. I acknowledge that we all need someone to talk to, share in our lives and sometimes depend on. But at what expense?

When a man who claims to love you is constantly at war with you, it messes with your mental stability. It shakes yourself esteem. It shapes a new lower perception of yourself and it has the great potential to bend your will. You start to question the whole concept of love. You start doubting your self-worth and you slowly sink in eternal depression and ultimately,  obscurity. You die slowly on the inside. Then you are just a shell of a person in the end. A girl with a bent-will to live, a bitter attitude and an ugly eye through which she sees the world.

I am of the opinion that to stay or walk away from an abusive relationship is a personal choice. We have just mastered the art of drawing curtains and making excuse for these sanctimonious, undeserving, disrespectful creatures who have no respect for women. Its appalling that as modern girls we are willing to entertain bigotry, domestic misogyny, physical and verbal abuse just so we can have a hashtag with the face of man in it. BaeTings. We have created a vicious cycle and a side chick culture just so everybody has to impress the internet with a man figure in their lives.

Let me just state at this point that I cannot fathom this side chick culture. I find it totally incomprehensible that a girl would steal or eat into the happiness of another. I do not understand this. When you get in a relationship, we all just want to be happy. To enjoy the company of our chosen partner. To luxuriate in their; loyalty and faithfulness and commitment. How are you going to steal that from another person and hope to enjoy it. God created karma in the darkness and cold of night so when she hits you side chicks, the dark marks show and you feel the cold of what you did. If you want something, you have to celebrate it for somebody else.

Perhaps the most baffling thing is what we endure as girls. We have taken our power and put it in the hands of weak boys. They have taken this advantage and misused it and abused our sisters, friends, relatives and all relations girls. We watch clips of girls beaten to a pulp. It trends for a few hours. We engage a breaking system, nothing happens then we forget and move on. This is how we are left with a crop of single mothers who have misconstrued the concept of feminism and a breed of young girls under their mentorship.

For the young girls surviving abusive relationship, look here. Its not serendipity that you are with that man. It’s a choice you have made. But guess what you are a woman and we are allowed to flip flop with our decisions. Its ok to change your mind and want out. So  take a sabbatical and regain your womanhood. Breath deep, open your eyes, perhaps chew a bar of chocolate and see just how pivotal your choices impact on the younger girls who see what you are condoning.

Whatever the reason you think you are staying, you have a bigger obligation to walk away. Before your sanity is tested. Whatever sweet nothing he whispers to you is a mass of lies with a hint of malice and just a touch of cloak and dagger. Find your purpose and walk away. Because where purpose is devoid, misuse is inevitable. Just why do we stay?

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